Hello people of the twenty-first century. Yes, it's been a while since I've written something, but, I think I've been waiting for the right opportunity to express how I'm feeling. The last couple of weeks I have changed from a person I was confident and proud to be, to someone that seems completely new and foreign. As you can probably tell, this is quite a serious thing for me to be talking about, and is even a little frightening to be writing down. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely grateful and lucky, to have had such an easy, I guess that's how you could say it, life. I have a great support network, a roof over my head, so what could be wrong? You always have the sub-conscious in the back of your mind questioning everything you do, but lately, this has controlled my whole thoughts, and taken over who I am.
For a while now I haven't been my average normal self, and I was, and still am, thinking things that shock me, my family, and my friends, and I can't seem to comprehend how I resort to these thoughts. I've hurt myself physically to try and understand how I feel mentally, and I'm still left searching for answers. Everything started to unravel around a week ago. We were on our annual trip to Brisbane for a music festival, and as I've had many times before, struck a breakdown one night. My boyfriend was obviously aware of how I was thinking, and had experienced this many times before. Unable to cope himself, he sought guidance from our teachers/supervisors. Then, I was forced to come clean, something I dreaded doing, and that I hadn't even done to my parents yet. They convinced me that I did have a purpose, something I was certain I didn't have. From there, I went back to my room and had, one of THE MOST hysterical crying fits ever. I was a little (a lot) embarrassed afterwards...
You see, I've been avoiding telling my parents how I really feel for quite sometime, and I could not avoid it anymore. I was afraid that they'd be angry/upset with me, and I did not want them constantly worrying about me. I'm not the type of person to give in easily, and I've always been one to keep things to myself. So when I was faced with this, it scared the hell out of me. And, it actually wasn't that bad....
My mum was completely shocked and in disbelief. I aim to be this happy and confident person so I'm not seen as this negative person, and this is what shocked her. That I was hiding this for so long and she never saw.... I immediately felt guilty.
Things have been pretty full-on since then. I had my first session with the Guidance Councillor who recommended seeing the doctor/GP. I then went on the seeing her, who recommended a psychologist who I'm going to see tomorrow. My dad found out a few days ago, he was shattered as well. Chances are I most like have depression, which I'm hugely afraid of. I never thought I would get affected by something like this.
I was starting to believe things might be getting better, and then, my main support network, the one person I thought I could trust, left me in the dark. In my most important time of need, I was getting hurt even more than I planned, and I'm finding it hard. Really hard. You thrive off the ones you love, and I was even more determined to get better because these people so desperately wanted me to as well. But how am I supposed to feel now, I've lost the one person that I needed to get through, and I've never so alone in my life. The one person on my side, has turned against me.....
Depression is not something to be envious of, it latches onto any positive emotions it can and pushes them into the back of your mind. Whatever good thoughts you have, never count in the end, you see bad in everything in front of you. You question everything you are, and completely forget the person you were. Every minute drags out, and time takes forever to go. It doesn't just affect your mental health, but your physical is just as much a victim. You spent hours crying, and can never properly sleep because your head wont stop pounding with negative thoughts. You segregate yourself from everything, and personally, I prefer to be in a small confined space. Depression can effect ANYONE, and there's a lot of people out there who have witnessed it, or are currently. I don't plan on letting this beat me, but I'm unsure with how long this will last. I'll take it one day at a time, that's all I can do.
Thanks guys.
Bertie Botts
Saturday, 23 August 2014
Monday, 14 April 2014
Cross Country 2014
Hello people of the twenty-first century. Sorry I haven't written for a while, I've been packed with assignments. For those who live in Australia, it is school holidays for most of us, so you are probably wondering why I have assignments. Well, it's because I'm extremely unlucky, that's why. But, oh well.
A few weeks ago our school had our annual Cross Country. Now, as I have most likely mentioned (I can't exactly remember), I am not the most talented when it comes to physical activity. I've never attempted to actually try in a Cross Country. Which yes, does make me seem extremely lazy, but I don't know, I think I'd just convinced myself that I would never do well anyway.
An old friend from my old school I had planned to walk with. Last year we walked together as well, and I was good to actually get the opportunity to look around and enjoy the serenity. But, this year, at the last minute she wasn't able to make it. I was unsure what to do. My boyfriend had encouraged me to run, because I attempt to run most days for rowing, but, I didn't want to make a fool of myself.
So, after being persuaded to run, I thought I would go with another of my mates who said she would. I thought that there was no way I would've been able to keep up with her, and my other friend, she had done very well in previous years. So off we went, and after around just over 1 km, I continued running while my friend had a break. Soon after, I then over took my other one, which I felt quite guilty about. This was my first time actually trying to achieve something, and I was almost taking it away from her, which I felt a bit anxious about.
After surprisingly running 4 km without dying in the process, I ended up coming 6th place out of my age group. Now, if you ask me, that's really good out of a reasonable amount of girls. Normally there is over one hundred girls in my grade, but if you consider the Residential girls that didn't go, or the ones that just decided to wag, then there might have been over seventy or eighty.
This was a huge surprise for me, because I'm definitely not a sporty person! Overall I was just happy I could contribute some points to our house group. Hopefully, we scored well enough to get in the top three groups. So, I might consider running again next year, but, we'll see what happens between now and then.
Thank you to everyone who has been reading my blog, I'm slowly getting views. I've reached a few hundred now, which is strange for me because I didn't think anyone would be reading this now. Thank you for your support, and please leave a comment, or subscribe, it would mean the world to me.
Thank you!
Bertie Botts
A few weeks ago our school had our annual Cross Country. Now, as I have most likely mentioned (I can't exactly remember), I am not the most talented when it comes to physical activity. I've never attempted to actually try in a Cross Country. Which yes, does make me seem extremely lazy, but I don't know, I think I'd just convinced myself that I would never do well anyway.
An old friend from my old school I had planned to walk with. Last year we walked together as well, and I was good to actually get the opportunity to look around and enjoy the serenity. But, this year, at the last minute she wasn't able to make it. I was unsure what to do. My boyfriend had encouraged me to run, because I attempt to run most days for rowing, but, I didn't want to make a fool of myself.
So, after being persuaded to run, I thought I would go with another of my mates who said she would. I thought that there was no way I would've been able to keep up with her, and my other friend, she had done very well in previous years. So off we went, and after around just over 1 km, I continued running while my friend had a break. Soon after, I then over took my other one, which I felt quite guilty about. This was my first time actually trying to achieve something, and I was almost taking it away from her, which I felt a bit anxious about.
After surprisingly running 4 km without dying in the process, I ended up coming 6th place out of my age group. Now, if you ask me, that's really good out of a reasonable amount of girls. Normally there is over one hundred girls in my grade, but if you consider the Residential girls that didn't go, or the ones that just decided to wag, then there might have been over seventy or eighty.
This was a huge surprise for me, because I'm definitely not a sporty person! Overall I was just happy I could contribute some points to our house group. Hopefully, we scored well enough to get in the top three groups. So, I might consider running again next year, but, we'll see what happens between now and then.
Thank you to everyone who has been reading my blog, I'm slowly getting views. I've reached a few hundred now, which is strange for me because I didn't think anyone would be reading this now. Thank you for your support, and please leave a comment, or subscribe, it would mean the world to me.
Thank you!
Bertie Botts
Thursday, 3 April 2014
Confusing/fraustrating thoughts
Hello people of the twenty-first century! In the last few days certain events have been happening and it's really made me question myself. I think what I wanted to tell you guys is how much a few little words can make you change your whole perspective of someone. From one moment you can start to question everything you know about a person.
I mean, it's definitely not unusual. It has happened a few times, but for some reason lately I've been feeling really disconnected. I feel like everything's moving around me, and I'm just standing still. One term of school is over now, and I'm not too impressed with how I've done. I love everything I've been doing, but it just doesn't have seemed to be reflected through marks. 2014 is a very interesting year so far, and I haven't decided if it's good or bad.
I've mentioned my boyfriend a few times throughout this blog. But I've heard some of the things that people have been saying, and in particular, his family. I've been second guessing if I should be with him or not. I am even unsure of his opinion of me. He assured me it didn't mean anything. But, the truth is, it really bummed me out. I don't know what I think of myself, and in particular, my relationship.
I've also been unsure with my co-curricular activities. I've never really been one to get extremely worked up and nervous when it comes to competitions. But, lately, or well, ever since I've moved to a larger city, I get really nervous in front of crowds. Like, if constantly stuff up my song, or I make myself physically sick in the middle of a race.
Ugh! I really don't like it, but, it definitely doesn't help with people constantly saying, 'oh, don't be sick'. It makes me feel worse! But yeah, I'm getting better with more experience and hopefully, eventually, I'll be extremely confident.
Sorry this blog has really been set on a certain topic. I'll be talking to you guys soon. Thanks for all your help so far, and keep reading!
Thank you!
Bertie Botts
I mean, it's definitely not unusual. It has happened a few times, but for some reason lately I've been feeling really disconnected. I feel like everything's moving around me, and I'm just standing still. One term of school is over now, and I'm not too impressed with how I've done. I love everything I've been doing, but it just doesn't have seemed to be reflected through marks. 2014 is a very interesting year so far, and I haven't decided if it's good or bad.
I've mentioned my boyfriend a few times throughout this blog. But I've heard some of the things that people have been saying, and in particular, his family. I've been second guessing if I should be with him or not. I am even unsure of his opinion of me. He assured me it didn't mean anything. But, the truth is, it really bummed me out. I don't know what I think of myself, and in particular, my relationship.
I've also been unsure with my co-curricular activities. I've never really been one to get extremely worked up and nervous when it comes to competitions. But, lately, or well, ever since I've moved to a larger city, I get really nervous in front of crowds. Like, if constantly stuff up my song, or I make myself physically sick in the middle of a race.
Ugh! I really don't like it, but, it definitely doesn't help with people constantly saying, 'oh, don't be sick'. It makes me feel worse! But yeah, I'm getting better with more experience and hopefully, eventually, I'll be extremely confident.
Sorry this blog has really been set on a certain topic. I'll be talking to you guys soon. Thanks for all your help so far, and keep reading!
Thank you!
Bertie Botts
Friday, 21 March 2014
Don't get me started on school uniforms.
Hello people of the twenty-first century! Today, as the title suggests, I'll be complaining about our school uniforms. Now, many do complain that uniforms are a waste of time. Although, I don't agree with this. School uniforms are a way for everyone to be equal in a way. People don't need to show off the expensive clothes that can afford and rub it in other peoples faces.
Now, because I go to a Catholic school, yes, we do wear skirts. They are supposed to be below the knee, but about one sixth of the girls in the school obey this. Our school is very strict with most of the uniform. There are certain socks, and hats, and bags, and even laptop cases. So yeah, at the start of year 8, it is really hard to get used to. But, now, after 2 years, I actually don't really mind it.
Our principal is always commenting on the uniform. Boys' socks have to be pulled up, hats need to be on, and recently, there had been a lot of rumors about a new uniform. Yes, they are true. No, not a lot of people are happy about it. For starters, our uniform comes in two colours. Blue, and green. We can choose what colour we wear, but green is the formal colour.
Today, after much discussion about it, we were finally shown what they will look like. I've gotta say, it bloody sucks. Now, there is a 'Junior' and 'Senior' uniform. The Junior uniform consists of a grey/blue shirt, and black shirt. Now, just wow. If you thought that was bad, the Senior uniform is a white shirt and grey skirt. We are all disgusted with what has been designed. Especially since they were apparently designed in Brisbane but top-notch designers.
This is just stupid, and we all want to say, but, once the principal get's his heart set, there's not going back. He will push for these uniforms if it's the last thing he does. Not only that, but the uniform we have now, has been like that for 20 years. Obviously, mustn't be too bad, and it isn't! Now we will be forced to wear boring plain colours, not to mention white. WHITE. If the principal doesn't want two colours, just keep the green, and get rid of the blue. It's better than changing the whole thing to something people hate.
So yeah, apparently we get a say, but if that's going to happen. Comment on your school uniforms, and tell me about your past experiences. Thank you to all that have been continuously reading these blogs, and if this is your first read, please come back!
Thank you!
Bertie Botts
Now, because I go to a Catholic school, yes, we do wear skirts. They are supposed to be below the knee, but about one sixth of the girls in the school obey this. Our school is very strict with most of the uniform. There are certain socks, and hats, and bags, and even laptop cases. So yeah, at the start of year 8, it is really hard to get used to. But, now, after 2 years, I actually don't really mind it.
Our principal is always commenting on the uniform. Boys' socks have to be pulled up, hats need to be on, and recently, there had been a lot of rumors about a new uniform. Yes, they are true. No, not a lot of people are happy about it. For starters, our uniform comes in two colours. Blue, and green. We can choose what colour we wear, but green is the formal colour.
Today, after much discussion about it, we were finally shown what they will look like. I've gotta say, it bloody sucks. Now, there is a 'Junior' and 'Senior' uniform. The Junior uniform consists of a grey/blue shirt, and black shirt. Now, just wow. If you thought that was bad, the Senior uniform is a white shirt and grey skirt. We are all disgusted with what has been designed. Especially since they were apparently designed in Brisbane but top-notch designers.
This is just stupid, and we all want to say, but, once the principal get's his heart set, there's not going back. He will push for these uniforms if it's the last thing he does. Not only that, but the uniform we have now, has been like that for 20 years. Obviously, mustn't be too bad, and it isn't! Now we will be forced to wear boring plain colours, not to mention white. WHITE. If the principal doesn't want two colours, just keep the green, and get rid of the blue. It's better than changing the whole thing to something people hate.
So yeah, apparently we get a say, but if that's going to happen. Comment on your school uniforms, and tell me about your past experiences. Thank you to all that have been continuously reading these blogs, and if this is your first read, please come back!
Thank you!
Bertie Botts
Thursday, 13 March 2014
Ex-Girlfriend vs Girlfriend
Hello people of the twenty-first century! Sorry for not posting for a few days, the time has completely gotten away from me. As the title suggests, there has been a little Ex-Girlfriend vs Girlfriend rivalry going on the last couple of months. It's a complicated story really, of how I got together with my boyfriend, and looking back, a terribly confusing one. I'll try to describe it in the quickest, and least annoying way possible.
One of my friends starting dating this new guy. We were all completely supportive, and didn't mind, but personally, I don't think he was treated all too well. There was always a lot of, 'he'll come to me', which, I had always questioned, but pushed it aside. A few months on and it was obvious things weren't going to well. It was upsetting seeing two of your friends fight constantly about just about nothing. He was desperately trying to solve things, but she kept pushing him aside.This is where doing something very little, can make a huge difference.
I tried to help by supporting both of them, offering a hand where I could. But, she would just completely ignore what I had said, along with what he said. I'm not going to lie, there were certain events that had happened previously that had grated me a little. I was nowhere near as close to this girl as I had been before. They broke up soon after. I'd still continued to talk to this guy. Although I didn't want it to seem like I had taken sides, I was appalled with how things ended.
I'm not going to go into it too much, but we continued to get a strong bond. Weeks later he confessed to liking me, and a while later we got together. I felt extremely guilty doing this to her, but after weeks of her saying I could, I finally took her word for it. I had honestly believed she'd moved on, especially because she'd had around two boyfriends since they separated. A little ridiculous I know. Things had been a little awkward since then, we couldn't have a straight conversation, and it felt like she'd always try to finish things when I came.
From then, things got even more awkward, and weird. She told my boyfriend in private she loved him, and told my closest friend. Promised she'd tell me, and never did. I only know now because my friend had told me. This had bummed me out hugely. I felt stupid for believing that she said it was fine. Since then, I've been trying to make an effort, but it always seems to fail.
I don't particularly like the way things are now, she goes around saying I hate her, and asking why I never talk to her. This really aggravates me, because I'm constantly making an effort but never get anything in return. Others have noticed this as well and told me I'm not doing anything wrong. I have no idea what to do anymore.
Well, that's just a day in the life I guess. You probably are glad you don't have a boyfriend now. Just joking, these events help to define me, and make the person I am now. Life is complicated, which is what comes with being a girl!. I couldn't be happier with the overall outcome of all this, receiving someone I care about immensely. Hopefully this was a half decent read, and will help any of you in a similar situation. You'll be hearing from me real soon.
Thank you!
Bertie Botts
One of my friends starting dating this new guy. We were all completely supportive, and didn't mind, but personally, I don't think he was treated all too well. There was always a lot of, 'he'll come to me', which, I had always questioned, but pushed it aside. A few months on and it was obvious things weren't going to well. It was upsetting seeing two of your friends fight constantly about just about nothing. He was desperately trying to solve things, but she kept pushing him aside.This is where doing something very little, can make a huge difference.
I tried to help by supporting both of them, offering a hand where I could. But, she would just completely ignore what I had said, along with what he said. I'm not going to lie, there were certain events that had happened previously that had grated me a little. I was nowhere near as close to this girl as I had been before. They broke up soon after. I'd still continued to talk to this guy. Although I didn't want it to seem like I had taken sides, I was appalled with how things ended.
I'm not going to go into it too much, but we continued to get a strong bond. Weeks later he confessed to liking me, and a while later we got together. I felt extremely guilty doing this to her, but after weeks of her saying I could, I finally took her word for it. I had honestly believed she'd moved on, especially because she'd had around two boyfriends since they separated. A little ridiculous I know. Things had been a little awkward since then, we couldn't have a straight conversation, and it felt like she'd always try to finish things when I came.
From then, things got even more awkward, and weird. She told my boyfriend in private she loved him, and told my closest friend. Promised she'd tell me, and never did. I only know now because my friend had told me. This had bummed me out hugely. I felt stupid for believing that she said it was fine. Since then, I've been trying to make an effort, but it always seems to fail.
I don't particularly like the way things are now, she goes around saying I hate her, and asking why I never talk to her. This really aggravates me, because I'm constantly making an effort but never get anything in return. Others have noticed this as well and told me I'm not doing anything wrong. I have no idea what to do anymore.
Well, that's just a day in the life I guess. You probably are glad you don't have a boyfriend now. Just joking, these events help to define me, and make the person I am now. Life is complicated, which is what comes with being a girl!. I couldn't be happier with the overall outcome of all this, receiving someone I care about immensely. Hopefully this was a half decent read, and will help any of you in a similar situation. You'll be hearing from me real soon.
Thank you!
Bertie Botts
Friday, 7 March 2014
Our Little Secret
Hello people of the twenty-first century! I've been writing this blog for a few weeks, and am really enjoying doing so. I've had a couple hundred views, which is a big deal for me. There are people out there! Most of you are probably thinking that this isn't much of an accomplishment. You may even have a a thousand Facebook friends. But, I've been hiding this little secret of mine, and it is actually this blog.
When I started writing this blog, I wanted it to be a different part of my life. I wanted to start fresh, and not tell anyone about it. So, this is what I did. Nobody knows I've started writing. No friends, no family. I didn't wan't people to read this blog just because they knew me, and wanted to know what I was feeling. I didn't want to advertise it on Facebook and get more views. I wanted to know real genuine human beings where reading my blogs, and where enjoying what I'd written. Ones that had just seen the link and thought, 'this looks interesting, I might read and see what it's like.'
I'm definitely not saying that it isn't OK to let the people you get on with help you start your blog. It is a good idea. We all have our own opinions, and a different outlook on things. But honestly, I did feel a little embarrassed in a way when I started this. What if I had told everyone to check it out and the only views I got were from my mother?
At a point in time, I do plan to tell these people. Although, I have no idea when this will be. Whether it be in two weeks, two months, or two years. I think I just want to be extremely proud of this little part of my life that I've starting sharing with you guys. I want them to be proud of me, and what I've achieved, and I'm definitely proud of myself so far.
I'm extremely grateful for all of you who are reading this now, or those who have been reading are are continuing to. I hope I can keep you guys entertained so that you'll want to keep reading. It's strange for me to think that sharing my thoughts and opinions in this article type format could help you guys, and even help me understand myself more. I'm excited to see how this blog will evolve. But, until then, please keep reading, or even leave a comment, or follow me. Thank you all.
'Don't focus on having a great blog. Focus on having a blog that's great for your readers.' - Brian Clark
Thank you!
Bertie Botts
When I started writing this blog, I wanted it to be a different part of my life. I wanted to start fresh, and not tell anyone about it. So, this is what I did. Nobody knows I've started writing. No friends, no family. I didn't wan't people to read this blog just because they knew me, and wanted to know what I was feeling. I didn't want to advertise it on Facebook and get more views. I wanted to know real genuine human beings where reading my blogs, and where enjoying what I'd written. Ones that had just seen the link and thought, 'this looks interesting, I might read and see what it's like.'
I'm definitely not saying that it isn't OK to let the people you get on with help you start your blog. It is a good idea. We all have our own opinions, and a different outlook on things. But honestly, I did feel a little embarrassed in a way when I started this. What if I had told everyone to check it out and the only views I got were from my mother?
At a point in time, I do plan to tell these people. Although, I have no idea when this will be. Whether it be in two weeks, two months, or two years. I think I just want to be extremely proud of this little part of my life that I've starting sharing with you guys. I want them to be proud of me, and what I've achieved, and I'm definitely proud of myself so far.
I'm extremely grateful for all of you who are reading this now, or those who have been reading are are continuing to. I hope I can keep you guys entertained so that you'll want to keep reading. It's strange for me to think that sharing my thoughts and opinions in this article type format could help you guys, and even help me understand myself more. I'm excited to see how this blog will evolve. But, until then, please keep reading, or even leave a comment, or follow me. Thank you all.
'Don't focus on having a great blog. Focus on having a blog that's great for your readers.' - Brian Clark
Thank you!
Bertie Botts
Life.
Hello people of the twenty first century! As you all would know, I am nearing that age when we are encouraged to pick the career we want to do for the rest of our lives. It almost annoys me a little when half of my grade has a clear idea of what they plan to do. Especially when they are obviously not very realistic things. But, I've really struggled with this topic my whole life, and I find it very confronting and confusing.
We've all gone through that stage in life where we are young and have the most ridiculous dreams and goals. In Pre-School, my class was asked to draw what we wanted to be when we grew up. I was very imaginative, and said 'acrobat'. Compared to some others though, I was very realistic. Someone actually said that they wanted to be a Caterpillar. Insane right? But, I have absolutely no flexibility so unfortunately, that cannot be achieved.
I always been unclear of what I wanted to do with my life. I find it confronting having to pick something that I will want to do until I get old. It's really tearing me down. The teachers are making it seem like the subjects we pick will determine our lives, which in a way they will. But, what if I don't know what I want to do? Do I pick ones that I will enjoy, or ones like Science that I'm not good at, but can lead you to a good career.
We also have to fill out a thing called a SET plan. This explains to the teachers what path we have chosen, and what subjects will help us achieve this next year. The thing that sucks about this though is that if I don't do it, I don't get into Grade 11 next year. Which is a little harsh if you ask me.
We are all destined to change our minds between now and Year 12, and even later. It almost even seems if you don't go for an OP, then they will be a little disappointed. Our Principal has extremely high expectations, and wants all to do well to represent the school. So, I'm feeling extremely lost, I don't even have a clue of what I might enjoy doing.
I do have a dream, but not a very realistic one. I've always wanted to travel the world, and see what is outside Australia. But, that isn't a career. I definitely think when I finish if I have a clear idea, I will get stuck right into it, but if I don't I want to take some time to travel and see what my head tells me along the way. Can't you imagine, travelling the world with a huge camera, taking amazing photographs, and celebrating 12 years of schooling. Sounds awesome if you ask me.
Definitely, I will soon find my place in this world. The last few weeks, I've felt really unconnected with everything. I am trying to realise my purpose in this world, it's just hard to figure out when their our so many others going on around you.
For example, music. I have a strong passion for my music, and it is something that I hope to continue for a while. I'm in preparation of my exams, and the Eisteddfod. Sport, not something I'm very good at I must say. This year I am continuing rowing with my school team. School, I strike to achieve my best always, and make sure I am pleased with my marks. Family, we are all growing up and getting older, and I want to enjoy every minute with them. Friends, making life-long friends that I can enjoy school days with. Finally, you guessed it, boyfriend, enjoying my youth with another I get on so well with.
Of course, I can't always do my best with all these things, and I know that. I might fight with a boyfriend, friend, or parent, come last place in a race, stuff up a song I've been working so hard on, or be disappointed in myself for a grade. But all these things, determine my life, and hopefully, with help, I will be able to distinguish what I do want to do and don't.
But until then, I'll do what I have to to get the most out of the life.
'Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.' - Dr Seuss
Thank you!
Bertie Botts
We've all gone through that stage in life where we are young and have the most ridiculous dreams and goals. In Pre-School, my class was asked to draw what we wanted to be when we grew up. I was very imaginative, and said 'acrobat'. Compared to some others though, I was very realistic. Someone actually said that they wanted to be a Caterpillar. Insane right? But, I have absolutely no flexibility so unfortunately, that cannot be achieved.
I always been unclear of what I wanted to do with my life. I find it confronting having to pick something that I will want to do until I get old. It's really tearing me down. The teachers are making it seem like the subjects we pick will determine our lives, which in a way they will. But, what if I don't know what I want to do? Do I pick ones that I will enjoy, or ones like Science that I'm not good at, but can lead you to a good career.
We also have to fill out a thing called a SET plan. This explains to the teachers what path we have chosen, and what subjects will help us achieve this next year. The thing that sucks about this though is that if I don't do it, I don't get into Grade 11 next year. Which is a little harsh if you ask me.
We are all destined to change our minds between now and Year 12, and even later. It almost even seems if you don't go for an OP, then they will be a little disappointed. Our Principal has extremely high expectations, and wants all to do well to represent the school. So, I'm feeling extremely lost, I don't even have a clue of what I might enjoy doing.
I do have a dream, but not a very realistic one. I've always wanted to travel the world, and see what is outside Australia. But, that isn't a career. I definitely think when I finish if I have a clear idea, I will get stuck right into it, but if I don't I want to take some time to travel and see what my head tells me along the way. Can't you imagine, travelling the world with a huge camera, taking amazing photographs, and celebrating 12 years of schooling. Sounds awesome if you ask me.
Definitely, I will soon find my place in this world. The last few weeks, I've felt really unconnected with everything. I am trying to realise my purpose in this world, it's just hard to figure out when their our so many others going on around you.
For example, music. I have a strong passion for my music, and it is something that I hope to continue for a while. I'm in preparation of my exams, and the Eisteddfod. Sport, not something I'm very good at I must say. This year I am continuing rowing with my school team. School, I strike to achieve my best always, and make sure I am pleased with my marks. Family, we are all growing up and getting older, and I want to enjoy every minute with them. Friends, making life-long friends that I can enjoy school days with. Finally, you guessed it, boyfriend, enjoying my youth with another I get on so well with.
Of course, I can't always do my best with all these things, and I know that. I might fight with a boyfriend, friend, or parent, come last place in a race, stuff up a song I've been working so hard on, or be disappointed in myself for a grade. But all these things, determine my life, and hopefully, with help, I will be able to distinguish what I do want to do and don't.
But until then, I'll do what I have to to get the most out of the life.
'Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.' - Dr Seuss
Thank you!
Bertie Botts
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